danconnolly.co.uk

Standard responses to online stupidity

March 2, 2015

Scalzi shares a list of standard responses to which you should direct future internet idiots:

  1. I don’t care what you think.
  2. I didn’t ask you.
  3. No doubt you thought that was terribly clever.
  4. You’ve attempted logic. Not all attempts succeed.
  5. One should not have that many errors in that few characters.
  6. Either your educators have failed you, or you have failed them.
  7. I see you’ve invited me to an argument. I decline.
  8. It appears an asshole has hacked your account and is posting in your name.
  9. Funny, most people go out of their way not to be a public bigot.
  10. Cosplaying as a tantrum-throwing child is no way to go through life.
  11. I’m sorry that you are so obviously scared of the world.
  12. My attention is a privilege, not a right. This is all you get.

Belief

November 7, 2014

Jon Stewart was asked about BuzzFeed and Vice the other day, and had this to say:

“I scroll around, but when I look at the internet, I feel the same as when I’m walking through Coney Island,” Stewart told New York magazine. “It’s like carnival barkers, and they all sit out there and go, ‘Come on in here and see a three-legged man!’ So you walk in and it’s a guy with a crutch.”

Buzzfeed responded:

…it suggests that Stewart, like many people in the media industry, confuses what we do with true clickbait. We have admittedly (and at times deliberately) not done a great job of explaining why we have always avoided clickbait at BuzzFeed

The article goes on to talk about how the curiosity gap, the origins of clickbait in television cliffhangers (‘find out after the break’), and defends Buzzfeed’s titles as explanatory rather than the vague clickbait found elsewhere online.

The top comment on the article is a single link: a search of Buzzfeed’s articles looking for the phrase “you won’t believe”. And the list is marvellous.

You won’t believe Snowdonia is in Wales, you won’t believe that two recent pop songs can be mashed up, you won’t believe that fashion can date, that raccoons climb trees, that vader is the Dutch word for father, that Ireland is green, that people can be afraid of things, that food doesn’t require meat to taste nice, that wrestlers wear silly costumes, that bodies of water can freeze in winter, and that lots of people used to watch Friends.

You could probably title it: “You won’t believe the things Buzzfeed thinks you won’t believe“.

If you do this in an email, I hate you (too)

October 4, 2010

If you do this in an email, I hate you from The Oatmeal.

emailftp

This is my most frequently encountered of the complaints but they’re all spot on. (‘If you don’t know what BCC is you shouldn’t be using email,’ is a particular gem)

Made by a 13 year-old in 1996

April 29, 2010

I like to think my first forays into the interwebs were better than this:

geo

I hope they were anyway! (Everyone likes purple lightning, right?)

Unfortunately the Geocities-izer doesn’t work on warwicksu.com but feel free to explore alternate themes.

(via Boing Boing)

The Future of the Interweb

March 15, 2010

Or, “What is HTML 5 Good For?”

Made me laugh more than it should’ve…

(via John Nack)

State of the Internet

March 4, 2010

JESS3 / The State of The Internet from JESS3 on Vimeo.