Cracking post on McSweeney’s. Some faves:

BRAS – Strapping. Supportive. Always near my boobs.

TV SETS – Modern. Always turned on. With a warranty.

BOOKS – Novel. Unpredictable. With a spine.

CARPETS – Stylish. Rugged. Lets me walk all over them.

WINE – Perfectly aged. On a case-by-case basis. In the cellar.

KEYBOARD – Silent type. Writes letters. Gives me space.

SUN – Hot. Punctual. Always goes down.